http://www.mattbrauer.com/ Matt Brauer is a writer and podcaster of generally funny stuff. His content focus is on daily living, the workplace, culture, social and philosophical sciences, current events, writing, and cheese. Copyright 06 Jan 2011, Matt Brauer Humor http://www.mattbrauer.com/MBBadge.jpg http://www.mattbrauer.com/index.html en-us Matt Brauer Column Matt Brauer is a writer and podcaster of generally funny stuff. His content focus is on workplace politics and sociology, writing, the Chicago area, current events, culture, social and philosophical sciences, and cheese. Matt Brauer no http://www.mattbrauer.com/rss.xml On Monday mornings, I want to be left alone. After becoming attuned to a relaxing weekend, I expend as much energy on a Monday morning waking up, getting ready, and driving to work as I would on an entire Sunday. Once I arrive at work, I'm too exhausted to even sit until I'm filled with several cups of caffeine. I want no distractions, no demands placed on me, and... Sun, 05 Feb 2012 17:16:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a120205MondayMorningIrritations.html 00156@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 05 Feb 2012 - Monday Morning Irritations Matt's humorist column about a bad Monday morning. 00:04:07 no humor, column, work, coworker, loud, annoying, irritating, circus, cafeteria, downsizing, contracting Next Sunday is the big game. I use the term “big game” to highlight the silly legal restrictions preventing the use of the phrase “super bowl,” as it is a registered trademark of the NFL. As a journalist commenting on the restrictions around use of the term “super bowl,” I'm exempt from legal prosecution due to fair use clauses regarding commentary and criticism. I'll also add... Sun, 29 Jan 2012 13:23:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a120129SuperBowl.html 00155@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 29 Jan 2012 - Super Bowl Matt's humorist column about using the trademarked term. 00:04:35 no humor, column, super bowl, football, trademark, law, NFL, profit, public domain Monday lunch hour is the time I peruse news articles for topics to write about for my weekly column. I start with certain news websites where I know I can always find an irrelevant, inane non-news article to spur my creativity. Such was the case this past week, when I read a piece about signs the reader has picked a bad restaurant. These signs included such low grade problems as... Sun, 22 Jan 2012 13:32:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a120122SignsOfABadRestaurant.html 00154@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 22 Jan 2012 - Signs of a Bad Restaurant Matt's humorist column about bad dining establishments. 00:04:03 no humor, column, restaurant, dining, bad, dirty, children, bar, eating, hospital Dear retailer, sales clerk, waiter, or service representative: I am a customer, and I am always right. Sun, 15 Jan 2012 17:33:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a120115CustomerIsRight.html 00153@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 15 Jan 2012 - The Customer is Always Right Matt's humorist column about being a customer. 00:03:38 no humor, column, customer, shopping, equality, restaurant, pizza, orange, celebrity With presidential campaigning now underway, I'd like to propose a competency exam for presidential and congressional candidates. Sun, 08 Jan 2012 16:32:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a120108PoliticiansCompetencyExam.html 00152@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 08 Jan 2012 - A Competency Exam for Politicians Matt's humorist column about a qualifying test politicians should take. 00:03:54 no humor, column, election, campaign, competency, politician, congress, president, knowledge, science, foreign affairs, history, domestic, country, ethics Good day, class. I'm sorry that you are attending this session on New Year's Day – well, not sorry so much as amused. Sun, 01 Jan 2012 10:55:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a120101HowToReflect.html 00151@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 01 Jan 2012 - How to Reflect Upon the Past Year Matt's humorist column about assessing the past year. 00:03:13 no humor, column, New Year, reflect, resolution, assess, achievements, finance, celebrating, relationships, circus Now that Christmas is upon us, I can reflect on the six best things about Christmas Day. Sun, 25 Dec 2011 13:07:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a111225SixBestThingsAboutXmas.html 00150@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 25 Dec 2011 - Six Best Things About Christmas Matt's humorist column about Christmas pleasures. 00:03:10 no humor, column, Christmas, tradition, decorating, shopping, Black Friday, party, celebrating, gifts, presents Every year, Christmas is observed by following old rituals of questionable merit: sacrificing a living shrub to adorn it in cheap plastic lights and ornaments, stuffing candy into foot garments hanging on a sooty mantle, tykes migrating to the nearest storefront Santa to divulge their selfish interests, and (if you live in a cold winter climate like me) sloughing off the notion that... Sun, 18 Dec 2011 11:59:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a111218ModernXmasTraditions.html 00149@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 18 Dec 2011 - Modern Christmas Traditions Matt's humorist column about questionable modern Christmas traditions. 00:04:29 no humor, column, Christmas, tradition, decorating, shopping, Black Friday, party, celebrating, gifts, presents On occasions when I'm under the weather, I'm busy relaxing during vacations or holidays, or I'm feeling too lazy to write, I'm tempted to run old posts under the “classic” or “best of” banner. I peruse through my backlog of essays and I always ask myself the same question: who decides what is “classic” or a “best of?” I can pick out columns I enjoy or consider my best... Sun, 11 Dec 2011 14:12:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a111211BestOfMatt.html 00148@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 11 Dec 2011 - Best of Matt Matt's humorist column about best-of and classic designations. 00:03:44 no humor, column, writing, essay, best of, classic, Zeppelin, Who, Mustang, Pinto, shanty, worst of I live in the Chicago metro area, and I love it. Most of the time. Chicago is a cultural hot spot: tons of great food, a center of blues and jazz, and improv comedy. I live an hour-and-a-half away from downtown, far enough away from the daily stress and sensory overload of big city life. But part of that blessing is a curse; instead I'm subject to five terrible things... Sun, 04 Dec 2011 15:27:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a111204FiveTerribleThingsAboutMyHometown.html 00147@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 04 Dec 2011 - Five Terrible Things About My Hometown Matt's humorist column about five terrible things that make him want to move. 00:04:34 no humor, column, move, terrible, hometown, neighborhood, auto, loud, subwoofer, restaurant, books, theater, weather, snow, rude, steak I braved the crowds, and went shopping on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. I endured the cold and hung my house decorations yesterday. Tomorrow is Cyber Monday, the busiest on-line shopping day of the year. Tomorrow I brace for credit card sticker shock. Sun, 27 Nov 2011 15:05:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a111127CyberMonday.html 00146@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 27 Nov 2011 - Cyber Monday Matt's humorist column about the busiest on-line shopping day of the year. 00:04:13 no humor, column, on-line, shopping, computer, store, Christmas, Julie London, micro brew, aspirin Good day, class. Today I'm going to discuss how to interpret dreams. Sun, 20 Nov 2011 17:21:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a111120HowToInterpretDreams.html 00145@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 20 Nov 2011 - How to Interpret Dreams Matt's humorist column about how to interpret dreams. 00:04:03 no humor, column, dream, camel, cow, Mariachi, surreal, reality, class, death, time Based on experiences over the last week, I present to you my list of the top seven worthless jobs. Sun, 13 Nov 2011 16:13:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a111113TopSevenWorthlessJobs.html 00144@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 13 Nov 2011 - Top Seven Worthless Jobs Matt's humorist column about the top seven worthless jobs. 00:04:36 no humor, column, work, jobs, greeter, bank, sales, attendant, manicurist, writer This morning I was five minutes late for work. I can't figure out why. I set my alarm for the usual time, and I followed my standard morning ritual. My wake-up routine is so well established that I walk out the door and leave for work at exactly the same time every day, give or take a few seconds. It is so instinctive I've stopped looking at the clock in the morning. This morning... Sun, 06 Nov 2011 10:59:00 -0600 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a111106ExaminationOnBeingLate.html 00143@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 06 Nov 2011 - An Examination on Why I Was Late for Work Matt's humorist column about reasons he was late for work. 00:03:30 no humor, column, work, late, construction, routine, driving, office Halloween is right around the corner, and it is time once again to be less-than-frightened by not-so-scary spooks. Yard ornament ghosts look less like ghouls and more like friendly Casper. Costume party witches are no more frightening than streetwalkers on a bad makeup day. And when you can find monsters... Sun, 30 Oct 2011 16:34:00 -0500 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a111030HowToCreateAMonster.html 00142@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 30 Oct 2011 - How to Create a Monster Matt's humorist column about how to create a horrible monster for Halloween. 00:03:20 no humor, column, Halloween, monster, witch, ghost, ghoul, Frankenstein, werewolf, Hyde, Dracula Last week I presented signs you are a workaholic. Today, I'm going to help those of you who are workaholics kick your addiction. Sun, 23 Oct 2011 18:09:00 -0500 http://www.mattbrauer.com/a111023HowToBreakWorkaholism.html 00141@http://www.mattbrauer.com/ matt@mattbrauer.com Matt Brauer Matt Brauer Column: 23 Oct 2011 - How to Break Workaholism Matt's humorist column about how to break workaholism. 00:03:37 no humor, column, work, vacation, workaholic, leisure, office, boss, coworker, meetings, hobbies, identity